When is it Time to Move On?
If you’ve separated from your partner, got divorced or are recently bereaved, it can be difficult to even contemplate being with someone new again. But you can also feel lonely, wishing you had someone to talk about your day with. So, when is the right time to move on and meet someone new?
Over the last few weeks, I have been carrying out some research by getting different people’s opinions and listening to their experiences and by researching online, to find out how long people usually wait and what others think is acceptable.
After speaking to people to get their views on this, I found that this is a question a lot of people are unsure of and worry about. It may be that they are still hoping they can rekindle their relationship with their ex, or if they are widowed it can feel like they are being unfaithful to the partner they have lost. I also found that a lot of people based their decision on what others around them said at the time. Most people worry about what others think and are worried about being judged for moving on too quickly.
After speaking with different age groups and genders in different situations, I found that the time they waited before they moved on often related to their circumstances and how the previous relationship ended. One woman said that she was the one who had finally put an end to the relationship, after years of unhappiness. She said that because she felt the relationship had been over a lot longer unofficially, she felt able to move on straight away. Another person I spoke to said that when her partner left her, she was heartbroken and didn’t feel ready to move on for 2 years. When looking at people who were bereaved, they did tend to wait longer before moving on, than those that had gone through a relationship breakdown. However, the length of time they waited varied from person to person. Some waited months while others waited years.
After carrying out research online, I found out some very interesting theories and statistics. Firstly, I found that 58% of us will sleep with someone else within the first month after a break up. This is typical rebound behaviour and usually ends up making the person feel worse afterwards! According to Relationship expert Dr Darcy, there is a classic theory of how long it takes to be ready to move on, by dividing your relationship time in half, but this can alter depending on circumstances. These are as follows:
- If the break up was mutual – Subtract 10% after this theory.
- If you were cheated on – Add 20% on after this theory.
- If it was your first love – Add on 30% after this theory.
- If you had no idea that the break up was coming – Add on anywhere between 10 and 50%.
I also found other theories, some saying a month for every year you were together and some saying just a week for every year you were together.
In conclusion, I think there are a lot of interesting theories and opinions out there for when you should feel ready to move on. However, I strongly believe that only the individual can say when they feel ready. So, although this may not be what you wanted to hear, I don’t think there is a set amount of time to get over a relationship and that you just have to move on when it feels right for you. I would also say try to not take much notice of what others around you say, as only you know how you feel, and similarly try not to judge others waiting times. It’s down to you, so when you feel ready, go for it!
Written By: Liz Harwood